Texty: Weird Al Yankovic. The TV Album. I Can't Watch This.

I can't watch this, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, I can't watch this

My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say, oh my Lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears

It sucks, and that's no lie
It's about as much fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch

I told you homeboy, I can't watch this
Yeah, nothin' but trash and you know, I can't watch this
Poke out my eyes, man, I can't watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control, I can't watch this

Talkin' 'bout sick shows
There's America's Funniest Home Videos
I can't believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize

Somebody's poor old mom falls down off the roof
Lands right on the lawn, face first on a rake
I hear they got it on the seventeenth take
That's funny as a kick in the crotch
And that kind of show, uh, I can't watch

Yo, I told you, I can't watch this
Change the channel now, man, I can't watch this
Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucker, I can't watch this

Cosby Show and Rosanne
Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can
Judge Wopner, oh my
You gotta be Rain Man to like this guy

Thirty Something is alright If you like hearing
Yuppies whining all night, can't stand Twin Peaks
Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks
Those Siskel and Ebert bums oughta go home and sit on their thumbs

That's word because you know, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, break it down

Here's how to order, money back guarantee
Removes tough stains fast, it tastes more like fresh peanuts
They keep going and going, don't hate me, because I'm beautiful
Could be dandruff, our prices are insane
Stop, Prime Time

I'm pretty sure I'll be sick
If I have to watch another stupid pet trick
Or that guy with the real flat hair
That goes 'Woof woof woof' and waves his fist in the air

Those weird talk shows
About transsexual Nazi Eskimos
They're rude, crude and vile
Just for a minute let's flip down the dial

Flip, flip, flip, eww, I can't watch this
Look man, I can't watch this
I can't take this torture no more, I can't
I can't watch this, pay the bills, station break, break it down

Operators are standing, cubic zirconium necklace
You're soaking in it, and our fabulous swimsuit issue
When you've got a headache this big, read the book
This is your brain on drugs, I've fallen and I can't get up
Stop, Cable Time

HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV
I might like 'em more after my lobotomy
Now why did I ever pay for this junk?
I hooked up eighty channels and each one stunk

Just brainless blood and guts
And mindless T&A
It's awful, it's putrid, it's crummy
It's stupid, gonna throw my set away

I can't watch this, I can't watch this
I can't watch this, yeah I can't watch this
I told you, can't watch this, too hip, can't watch this
Get me outta here, can't watch this